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Stressed! February 19, 2008

Posted by phoenixaeon in Then and now, writing.

The problem with being a perfectionist is trying to live up to the stupidly high standards I have set for myself. Everything has to be just right, and I can’t stand getting something wrong. This is why I am struggling with the last two parts of the assignment I am working on.

I just can’t get my head around the music (not good, I know how to read music, but I can’t seem to fix myself in the right mindset to analyse a piece of music), and the philosophy is going in slowly. I am in a weird state of mind right now where I can understand it when I read it, but I can’t seem to translate that into a piece of written work. Bah!

The struggle I am having now seems so much like a struggle I went through about 13 years ago. I had signed up to a BTEC science course. I enjoyed science, but had never really done biology or chemistry as ‘pure’ subjects. The biology I managed to get my head around quite quickly. The chemistry was a different matter.

I had never done a chemistry experiment in an academic situation. Okay, I knew what test tubes and pipettes were, how to use a Bunson burner and whatnot, but I didn’t know about titrations. The trouble I had understanding what I was doing was overwhelming. Just like now, I began to panic. Unlike now, I managed to calm myself, sit down and work through the problem until I had my eureka moment. So, at 1am, after spending hours working my way through what I thought was going to throw a spanner in the works, I nearly woke the house up shouting ‘Eureka!’ Unfortunately, that doesn’t seem to be happening now.

I like the piece of music I have to study for the assignment, but when I listen to it I don’t know if what I am hearing is syncopated or if it’s a contrapuntal melody. ARGH! I’ve found that it’s no good knowing the terms if you don’t know how to put them into action. Ho hum.

The one thing I have discovered is that while my head is dancing dazed and confused with understanding all this new stuff the story side of my brain is starting to unlock and the urge to write is once again starting to ask for attention. Hooray!



1. Skippy - February 20, 2008

awww mrs, I totally totally understand that horrible feeling!

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