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Permission to free write. October 19, 2008

Posted by phoenixaeon in Uncategorized.

This post will not be properly punctuated or grammatically correct. I don’t care. It is a free write, and something I needed to free my mind of. So here I go.

Why can’t I just let go? Just fall into the joy of words and forget about my inhibitions? I love words, and playing with words, structuring, restructuring, writing and re-writing, but I don’t trust myself. I need to find that I’m okay attitude I had when I used to go out clubbing. I used to be scared of what people thought if I got up and did what I thought passed as dancing. But one day I got over myself. I got up and boogied the night away. Strange that the first song I danced to was All Apologies by Nirvana. Maybe that was my redemption song, allowing me to not feel so insecure. Then you couldn’t keep me off the dancefloor. I soon promoted myself from being a slightly insecure dancer to an I don’t care, it’s time to get the party started dancer. And I didn’t need alcohol to do it (and for a long time water was my drink of choice, no matter the expense), and other people would join in and we would be the invading party on an empty dance floor, leading the charge of pogo to the time of night when the dancefloor would resemble a tin of headbanging sardines. Joy, freedom, happiness. I need to find that in my writing. I need to not care, to allow myself to write crap, and not care what others think… well, to a point anyway. I need others to care about what I write, and to care enough to tell me that it is crap and how to make it better. I need to get over myself and my fear of falling, physically, mentally, wordally. Yep, I need to use my name with words. Jokally! I give myself permission to write rubbish, but rubbish that can be polished to a Mr Sheen shine. I give myself permission to teach my pen (or my tip-tapping fingers) to dance and to have fun.

And that is that.



1. picasso36 - October 19, 2008

Ally T and her dancing pen!! Love it.

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