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Sparky with fishes! January 8, 2009

Posted by phoenixaeon in tennis.
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The poetry block sort of broke last night. Yay! But saying that, it didn’t break in any spectacular fashion, rather in a silly verse!

Fishy Kisses


‘You kiss like a fish,’ is what he said to her,

Though this said more of him than of her.

It was her first kiss, so unpracticed – she was,

While he had been off kissing fishes!

Like I said, silly!

But, in tennis… Yay for the two Brits playing! Andy Murray is into the quarters in Doha where he will be playing Sergiy Stakhovsky, while Anne Keothavong is into the semi-finals in Auckland where she will be playing either Caroline Wozniacki or Elena Vesnina. Woohoo! I just hope, even though he is winning, that Murray’s game gets better. The way he has been playing would not stand the test of Federer or Nadal, and he would more than likely be playing against these two in the semis and the final, if he gets through today.

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Comments»

1. picasso36 - January 8, 2009

Yes it does you clever girl.Think it’s the punctuation that does it.Like in BRB poem”dreaming frankenstein”
Just attempted a villanelle,will mail it to you.

2. picasso36 - January 8, 2009

i think if i am honest I wanted to write one 40 line poem and that would be that.it would give me breathing space for ECA etc.
My nan is hard work atm(not her fault) and my aunt,well sometimes I look for a broom to stick up my ar*e!!
Decided i will have to write more than one poem,hopefully only two though.
Just had a go at iambic pentameter.no prob with the rhyme scheme of the sonnet but bloody hard work.I do fancy a villanelle,read a couple recently.
Think i will mess around with a couple of forms and which ever fits my idea best I will use.Probably.

phoenixaeon - January 8, 2009

See, you’re one ahead of me. You have an idea. I have bugger all, and not even a bar of chocolate! Still. Weeks to go. And much of the BRB to read. But… tennis. I’m hooked again! Ooh, let’s make that into a free verse…

See, you’re one
ahead of me. You
have an idea. I
have bugger all, not
even a bar
of chocolate!
Still.
Weeks to go. And
much of the BRB to read. But…
tennis.
I’m hooked
again.

Does that work?

3. picasso36 - January 8, 2009

It was going to be the start of the 40 lines.
2nd verse- a young bride and her proud soldier husband.
3rd verse-soldier goes to war(fear trepidation)
4th verse-war brides at home waiting for the postman.
5th verse-soldier dies at the battle of the somme.
Certainly agree with you on the imagery and metaphor.may use it ,in part,but cut it down a little.
I find this much harder in some ways than A103,there statement,evidence,comment-job done.Here it’s much more ambiguous.
Just about to dig out A103 section on poetry and revisit that,may give me some ideas.
Are you thinking of free verse or are you typically going to torture yourself with iambic pentameter?

phoenixaeon - January 8, 2009

I’m not thinking… But I like free verse, it’s something I only started playing with last February. Before that I just used to do rhyming stuff. I might have a play around with a sonnet in iambic pentameter, if I can get the brain working. I really should attempt it, simply because it is a form I haven’t played with. Might even try a villanelle, as it looks like it could be fun. I don’t think I’ll be doing one single poem though, probably three or four. I’ve never been one to write long poems.

4. picasso36 - January 8, 2009

Ha,quite like the quirkiness of that.This poetry is doing my head in!thought I had got a full poem down(40 lines)But after re-reading the handout I sent you I realised it was too much like a story and somewhat trite.
Struggling with rhyme,I can do it but it all sounds too frivolous.When it’s as erious subject it sort of reads back childlike and takes away the seriousness of things.I think.Example below.

One shot.An Archbisop downed.
Papal blood,an open wound.
Forces gather.Alliances bound.
The politicians cry.We are doomed.
Battle lines are drawn,
Evil has spawned.

Do you see the triviality,or is it me?

phoenixaeon - January 8, 2009

I’m not sure about the triviality, but for me it’s too abrupt, too many short sentences and full stops. It’s an interesting poem, though. Is this the full thing? If not, maybe think of splitting some of the sentences, lengthening them a bit, then adding more lines. You can add more imagery and metaphor then.


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