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The truth of things. June 30, 2010

Posted by phoenixaeon in Internalised, writing.

So, a year ago or thereabouts, the results for my creative writing course had just been released and I had received my first rejection letter. To say my delicate ego felt dented was an understatement. She of little confidence had further chips chiseled from an already imperfect diamond. I sent the rejected poems away again, this time I received the cursory ‘We have received you poems, blah blah blah,’ letter from one place and nothing from the other. A six month wait ensued, only to once again have the poems rejected by the means of no communication.

My confidence still hasn’t recovered. In fact, it hasn’t even been to rehab. I cannot find it in me to write anything that requires imagination anymore. I have only written one poem this year – and even this was just a stupid little ditty and nothing of any worth. I feel dead in my creative brain, the muse has been strangled (a rope, in the word processor, by Hope), and I feel lost. I am in a rut and I can’t get out.

But hey ho, at least it appears I am good at writing academic essays. That’s something, I suppose. I just wish I wasn’t brain dead from the muse down. Sigh.



1. dadwhowrites - July 14, 2010

Hope there’s been at least a flicker since? Really, it’s not all over…

2. dadwhowrites - July 1, 2010

Hmm. I’ve been thinking about this post for a day or two.

What’s your plan for re-awakening your muse? I mean, you can’t just let it lie there and rot.

phoenixaeon - July 2, 2010

I don’t know. I’ve got to get some heart back for writing first, that’s something I’m finding difficult. And it’s not the rejections as such, more the lack of any feedback. Even just a ‘Sorry, not this time’ would have helped rather than dead space. And yeah, I know that the places we submit to have a huge slush pile, but… And although I learned a lot about me as a writer on the creative writing course, the structure of the course only deadened any passion I had previously felt for writing – something I have since found has happened to others who have taken the course.

I’ll get back on track at some point, of that I’m sure, but right now the thought of putting my heart down on paper sickens me.

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