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My brain needs a spam filter. July 6, 2010

Posted by phoenixaeon in Mindless rambling that you could do without!, Oh no Im stuck again, The evil curs Writers Block and Low Selfconfidence attack.

So. I moaned the other day about not being able to write creatively. At the moment I’m still quagging through the mire, but I think at least I’m moving forwards. Despite my despise for freewrites, that is what I’m using to free up some brain space. A freewrite first thing in the morning for ten minutes to clear out the dust bunnies. I am hoping that I’ll break through soon. But have a look – typos and all – at what I’m having to contend with. (Turn away now if you’re literally squeamish, it’s not pretty.)

Extreme said it best – If you don’t like what you see here, get the funk out. in such a funk, it’s driving me mad. Need to unlock but my bran is squished and mushed  and it doesn’t helpo that the computer keeps stalling. I’m supposed to be writing stream of consciousness but I can’t free myself enough, it just ticks along, thinking in full unbroken sentences. Can stream of consciousness be full? Does it have to be broken, like me? The washing machine is soo noisy, buzzing away like an angry wasp at a water park, I suppose I should be glad it’s not on it’s spin cycle, it souunds like a spaceship with a broken warp engine then. See, I’d just started to write something then and deleted it like a cyberman because it started with a but. I can’t use too many buts because it’ll sound repeptitive, but hey ho. More buts. I like big butts and I cannot lie… blah blah bah. Keep wrriting, don’t stop, if you stop you;; get stuck again. In mud, in syrup. lightly dusted. ah, is this the stream of consciousness floating in now? Like the strange dream where I was trying to be a stand up comedienne only to start the act with, hi, I’m Lexy, and I’m a vampire. If you’re gonna laugh at that, you’re not going to get home alive. or something of that like. stupid. that’s me. not like Forest Gump,m I’m not stuid is what stupid does. In the dream I was walking. but I wobble. And not like a weeble. I wobble and I do fall down.  I wonder if any of this rubbish would be good enough to start something with. Maybe I’ll do something with the first ever freewrite I tried. People seemed to like that. Said it was a bit like Pratchett. Sorry, but I’ve never read Pretchett, could never get into his books. Yes, call me a heathen if you want. I know what I like and I didn’t like them. I so wanted to like DEath and Binky. They were the reasons I tried to read Pratchett. But no. Just could’t get into it. And I’ve stalled to think again. that’s no good, is it. staling to theink. obviously theres a sinkhole in my stream, where all the words get sucked down never to be seen again. crap! What to do. there’;s no good  ideas in theis jumble of mumble. Grrr!

Yes, I know it doesn’t look much for ten minutes, but my train of though died. This is why I’m writing this rubbish, to get my head back into writing. Maybe a few strange dreams is what I need to unlock some creative magic, but even they have been few and far between of late. Reading and writing. I need to do more of them!

I will break through this writer’s block.

Damn you, evil writer's block! Try my tiger fist on for style!



1. Powerfairy - July 10, 2010

Interesting you’re going to take scissors to the problem. Cutting with scissors is a physical act. You say you think you “feel” you can’t trust yourself. And you say you’re refusing to let go – so you’re touching the problem. ?? Can you find a kinetic way of freewriting. Playdough or plasticine maybe. Spend 10 minutes modelling things cutting images out of magazines & putting words with them.

Also I notice your freewrites don’t have a title? Think of Alice & the Cat. Alice stood at the crossroads, not knowing which path to take. The cat asked, where do you want to get to? Alice said, she didn’t know, the cat said, it doesn’t matter then does it.

phoenixaeon - July 10, 2010

Ooh, like the Alice 😀 The freewrites are untitled because I’m writing whatever is in my head at that time. Titling would force structure. I don’t want structure, I want to open the floodgates and filter the sparks.

Play dough… Nope, I just stare at it and think that I can’t make anything. I’ve lost the art of free form. I think my sensory perception is muted at the moment. Maybe I need to get out more!

2. Powerfairy - July 9, 2010

Ally, I really want to comment here, however I’m afraid of being inappropriate and I don’t want that.

Reading the above, it is full of amazing stuff, so many ideas, so many places you could go. It sent my neurones all over the place – fab it was.

Do you know what your preferred learning style is . . . could this be the “issue” around the freewrites for you?

Also “education” sometimes doesn’t help. I used to be a personal trainer & aerobics instructor. I CANT do an aerobics class taught by many people – I’m applying all the rules, all the time, & thinking “that’s not right” . . . and maybe, sometimes, it may not matter? I don’t know?

phoenixaeon - July 10, 2010

I think I’m a bit all over the place with learning style. It depends what type of mood I’m in. Sometimes I like to observe, sometimes just sitting down and listening to things helps. Then I also like to feel my way into things. As for why freewrites don’t seem to work for me, I think I feel as if I can’t trust myself, if that makes any sense.

I know what you mean about “education”. And yes, at times the rules don’t matter, they’re just a hindrance to the end goal. But I have trouble letting go of them. They end up like a sort of suffocating safety blanket that I refuse to let go of even though my breathing is ragged. I’ll find a way through, just need to find some scissors first.

(And how do you mean, inappropriate? I won’t take offence, I promise.)

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