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Why is it… August 19, 2014

Posted by phoenixaeon in If I could sit down and just write I might get somewhere, lists, MA, Procrastinating, reading, writing.
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…that the closer the writing module gets, the less inclined I am to write?


I’ve been pondering tapping out a blog post for the last couple of weeks, but every time I open up the textbox I think why would anyone want to read my mind-junk? It’s the same with my stories. I think what story have I got to tell and why would anyone be in the slightest bit interested in reading it? As you can see, the evil curs known as Procrastination and the Inner Critic have dropped by for an outstayed-your-welcome-already holiday. Fabulous. That’s not to say I haven’t been writing. I just haven’t been writing a lot. I’ve jotted down some ideas, but as of yet I have not had the drive to expand upon them. Procrastination has taken me by the hand and convinced me that I need to be watching this show or playing this game, so while I have the mental inspiration, I do not have the physical expiration… I am holding my breath rather than holding a pen. It’s not so good seeing as air is not a particularly functional writing implement.


Despite not writing (much), I have been reading. A lot. Well, a lot for me. I’m not an incredibly fast reader, and considering that I can count on one hand the number of books I’ve read over the past two summers, then I’m doing pretty well this year. In the list I put up previously, I have read through:

  • Tinder by Sally Gardner
  • One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez – 6% through on the Kindle. Beginning to suspect this is a book that needs to be read as a book and not by e-reader.
  • Wonder by R. J. Palacio
  • Tanglewreck by Jeanette Winterson
  • A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness – next on the ‘to read’ list.
  • Varjak Paw and The Outlaw Varjak Paw by SF Said.
  • A whole bunch of creative writing books that will be used for the module. I have made a start, but snail’s pace about covers it.

So while I’m not through this list, I have read other stuff:

  • Rooftoppers by Katherine Rundell – a lovely story about friendship and family and the rooftops of Paris.
  • The Bone Dragon by Alexia Casale – another story about family, but through the opposing dichotomies of destructive vs. nurture and biological vs. adoptive.
  • Glaze by Kim Curran – an interesting near-future story about the perils of social networks.
  • Geek Girl by Holly Smale – a modern take on the Ugly Duckling.
  • The Julian Chapter by R. J. Palacio – the bully’s viewpoint (a side ‘chapter’ for Wonder).
  • Marx for Beginners by Ruis – a Ronseal title. Tells you all you need to know.
  • Write Your Novel from the Middle by James Scott Bell – Ronseal again. But an interesting take on writing guides.
  • The Bunker Diary by Kevin Brooks – Bleaky McBleakerson. No hope, no glory. Would suit a soundtrack by Leonard Cohen.
  • The Fault in Our Stars by John Green – Bleaky McPretentiouspants (my opinion only). But if I was a teenager, I’d probably love it.
  • The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane by Kate DiCamillo – A fabulous little tale of a toy rabbit’s journey to find his original owner (but also himself).

and I am currently reading:

  • The Problems with Dostoevsky’s Poetics by Mikhail Bakhtin
  • The Intruders by Michael Marshall (not a book that should be read in the same room as a child who talks in her sleep…)
  • Radiant Girl by Andrea White
  • The Writer’s Guide to Crafting Stories for Children by Nancy Lamb

So I’ve impressed myself by getting out of my can’t-read-for-toffee funk. And I have a whole new list of books I need to read in preparation for next month and the start of the writing module. I think my head might just fall off – which could be a result of holding my breath for too long!

Fear is the little death. September 1, 2011

Posted by phoenixaeon in Born of frustration, Damn you evil inner critic I will soon show you my mettle, If I could sit down and just write I might get somewhere, lost words, Mindless rambling that you could do without!, writing.

Writing. I don’t do so much at the moment. I haven’t done so much in about two years. The last year or so on the blog is testament to that. Not only in the frequency of posts, but in the quality too. I have lost my lexicological botanic garden. Words no longer flourish at the tips of my cyber or mechanical fingers. To put a cliche to it, the well is dry. And the reason? The little death in the title.

“Too much fear and all you’ll get is silence.” (A L Kennedy, Ten Rules for Writing Fiction, The Guardian.)

Ain’t that the truth! I made a comment the other day about having low self confidence when it comes to putting words on paper. Now, while I think that is partially true, I also know it is because I have a fear of failure. So to stop that fear, why start? It’s like that with the blog. The longer I’ve stayed away, the harder I’ve found it to press publish – even to start a new post. At the last count, I have 29 unfinished drafts of posts I had intended to publish, but I ended up losing my nerve or simply thinking ‘Why would anyone want to read this rubbish?’ So my doubt stayed my hand. I’ve even thought about closing the blog down, as it’s become evidence of my mental self-neglect. Looking at it makes it feel like some elaborate torture device, mocking me in shades of words once known. So much for the ‘Once there were dragons’ thing at the top of the blog. Now the words are gone, too. Well, all but the academic.


So, what to do? I still don’t feel confident enough to start again, despite this post. My flight feathers are still in mourning, crying for the warming rays of the sun. Maybe I should just continue to test the waters by trying to post more regularly here. It might not be the writing I am aiming for, but it could be the means to an end. Or a beginning. A slow therapy to reinstate the visual voice.


Whatever it could be, it’s time to press publish…

The art of distraction. November 11, 2008

Posted by phoenixaeon in If I could sit down and just write I might get somewhere, Nintendo DS, The evil curs Writers Block and Low Selfconfidence attack, Time to recruit the word beavers.
The A Team

The A Team

Nintendo DS rocks.

My writing doesn’t rock.

Therefore, I wobble.

Must lock the DS away. Must. Use. Willpower. (What’s Willposer? That’s what I just typed and correctified!) Must rediscover writing portions of brain (damn pesky combat foxes that they are) and take them to the gym. Maybe shakle them to the pen? Could be a plan! I can feel a Hannibal moment coming on. Or maybe that’s just a ‘You ain’t gettin’ me on no plane, fool’ B. A. Baracas moment dressed up as a Hannibal moment coming on.

I feel my brain is on one today.

Slow, unconfident words. November 3, 2007

Posted by phoenixaeon in If I could sit down and just write I might get somewhere, NaNoWriMo, Sanctuary.
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So I have started the mini Nano, as I am not confident in my self to do the full NaNo yet. So the word counts so far are:

Day 1: 469 words
Day 2: 230 words

So I shall sit down later tonight and write some more, but this time I’ll try not to over think what I am writing. Therein lies my problem. I need to switch off and write, rather than reread what I have already done and start making changes. I’m never going to get anywhere until I break this cycle. I have to get it in my head to just write, finish and leave it alone for a while. Maybe I might end up with something solid. Once I’ve got that far, maybe I’ll learn something. *sigh*

On sports matters, ’tis the final Moto GP of the year. Rossi can’t win, but he could get the runner up spot. That is if the crash he has had today in qualifying doesn’t stop him, and if he can make his way through the field from about 16th place. If he can’t do it, then Dani Pedrosa gets the second place. Ah well. Not an easy end to the season for the Doctor!

Anyhows. I couple of weeks ago I mentioned a web program called Sanctuary. Well, here is the first episode. Enjoy.